How to Text a Girl: 35 Texts That Will Make Her Want You

I used to struggle a lot with text game. 

As a younger man, I used to love the idea of texting beautiful women, flirting, getting naughty pictures—all of it. 

But when push came to shove, my text game sucked. 

I’d rarely get texts back. 

And on the rare occasion that I did get a woman interested in me, it always seemed like I would do everything wrong and run her off before I even got the chance to ask her out. 

Well, have no fear. 

Since those ‘bad days,’ I’ve learned a lot of lessons about how to text women successfully. 

And there are a few things that you need to know if you want to level-up your text game and score big points with the attractive women in your life. 

Let’s dive into it. 

How to Text Girls: It’s All about Mindset

The primary thing that men get wrong with texting is the mindset. They:

• Come across as too needy
• Give away all of their power
• Do way too much talking about all the wrong things
• Struggle to hold masculine frame
• Cross too many lines and display too many low value markers

Well, in this guide you’re going to learn how to avoid doing all of these things. 

But the very first step to overcoming all of these issues is to develop strong masculine frame. 

To truly learn about correct alpha behavior and how to build your masculine foundation to the point where women text you much more often than you text them, I highly recommend you check out my in-depth Dating & Masculinity Transformation Package, freshly released in March 2023.

See, women aren’t interested in texting low value men. 

And truth be told—once you start sending low-value markers, there’s really no way to redeem yourself. 

So you need to prove that you’re high value right from the beginning, and then keep it up throughout the entire interaction. 

Then, you need to transition smoothly into the portion of the conversion where you set up the in-person meeting with her. 

What Not to Text a Girl

Let’s start right away with what you should NOT do when texting a woman:

1. Don’t Be Needy

Women detest needy men. 

They want you to have your life together, and they don’t want to have to come in and fix it. 

So avoid texting her anything that could be construed as ‘needy.’

Example of what NOT to say:

2. Don’t Ask For Validation

Women crave and desire validation from high value men. 

They don’t want to have to validate you. 

If you come into the conversation looking for her to make you feel good about something—you’re there for the wrong reason. 

Instead, ask her questions about her, and validate her when you believe she deserves it. 

Example of what NOT to say:

3. Don’t Talk Too Much

Some men just straight up talk far too much over text. 

• Don’t tell her your life story. 

• Don’t send her huge paragraphs of text about how your ex did you wrong. 

Remember: Women want your attention to be on them. 

They want your validation. 

Make the text game mostly about her—and only give her snippets of information (vulnerability) when she specifically asks for it. Then, go right back to focusing on her. 

Example of what NOT to say:

4. Don’t Act like a Woman

In other words, don’t text her about your feelings, your insecurities, your problems, etc. 

These are the types of messages she’d get from a girlfriend—not from the man she wants to sleep with. 

Low value men text women about their feelings. 

High value men vet women, value test them, have fun with them, meet them in person, take them on romantic dates, then take them home for hot nasty sex afterward.

This is a very crucial difference to be aware of. 

Example of what NOT to say:

5. Don’t Use Her as a Therapist

Don’t talk to this girl about the things that are making you sad. 

Don’t talk to her about how your ex cheated on you, or about how now you’re just ‘expecting to get your heart broken.’ 

Don’t talk to her about how your depression has been flaring up again. 

She literally doesn’t care. 

Even worse, when you start talking about these things to women, they immediately start to devalue you in their own mind. 

They stick you into the ‘friendly guy with emotional issues’ category instead of into the ‘hot guy they want to sleep with’ category. 

Example of what NOT to say:

6. Don’t Ask For Nudes

This is a rookie mistake that a lot of men make. 

Instead of asking for nudes, get her to go on a real date with you and prove to her that you’re an awesome, high value man. 

Trust me. If she gets obsessed with you and wants you, you’ll be getting plenty of nudes. Women will literally be asking you if it’s ok for them to send you nudes. 

Example of what NOT to say:

What to Text about with a Girl

Alright. Now that we’ve gotten the definite ‘bad text examples’ out of the way, let’s talk about things that are good to talk about with a woman over text. 

Personally, I love these specific conversation pieces because they evoke thought, help you to learn about her, and also open up the opportunity for growing connection and getting her more invested in the conversation. 

But these are also by no means the only topics that you can text about. Check out this list of hypothetical questions for a veritable treasure trove of awesome questions that you could ask her. 

1. Astrological Signs

Most girls love to talk about this. 

You can prepare for this by learning about your own sign and getting educated enough to be able to have decent conversations about it. 

But it also works well to let her take the lead and ‘educate you’ about what your sign means. 

Good text example:

2. Favorite Music

Music is a part of daily life that’s meaningful to almost everyone. 

People love to share their favorite musical artists, albums, and playlists. 

Asking a woman what kind of music she listens to, and also asking her why she likes specific songs or artists, can really open the door to generating connection. 

Good text example:

3. Favorite Movies

Movies are similar to music in the sense that everyone has certain ones that they love and cherish—and women are no exception. 

Talking about movies can open up the conversation to help you learn more about her. Plus, when you ask her about her favorite movies, it gives her a chance to invest more into the conversation by telling you about them. 

Good text example:

4. Pet Peeves

I love asking girls if they have any ‘dating pet peeves.’ 

This works really well because it’s so personal, and also gives you a glimpse into the types of ‘negative’ dating experiences she’s been having lately. 

Good text example: 

5. Dark Humor

You almost can’t ever go wrong by dropping a dark humor joke or two.

Being able to make a woman laugh is a powerful flirtation and attraction-building tool.  

This works especially well when you’re playing off of things a woman says (displaying your wit will not only make her laugh, but broadcast your IQ). 

Good text example:

How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl over Text

Chatting successfully with women over text basically requires you to do one thing:

Be interesting. 

You can be many things to women—but boring isn’t one of them. 

If a woman isn’t feeling engaged, isn’t having fun, or doesn’t feel some kind of emotional impact while texting, the conversation is going to fall flat—and she’s going to end up losing interest. 

Follow these 6 tips to help keep the conversation alive and interesting. 

Caveat: While it’s a good idea to always keep things interesting during text conversations, it’s also really important not to cave-in to the temptation to be her ‘text buddy’ at this stage of the game, especially before the first date. 

As a general rule, you always want to set up that first date and move things forward as quickly as possible—thereby saving the real talking for in-person. Once you set the date, you can chat with her a little bit, but you don’t want to get pulled into long conversations. 

With that being said, sometimes the woman will try to chat you up a bit more before the time for your scheduled date rolls around. 

It’s also true that if the date can’t take place within the next couple of days, you don’t want to just go silent—lest she get cold feet and think that you’ve forgotten about her. 

It’s kind of a delicate balancing act, to be honest. 

So here are some tips for keeping things interesting if she continues to chat you up before the date, or while you’re engaging in minimal conversation leading up to that first date (if you had to schedule it more than a day or two in advance).   

1. Ask Her Interesting Questions

Asking a woman interesting questions is really the best way to keep her engaged. 

Why?

Because women love opening up and sharing about themselves to the men they’re attracted to. 

But they also enjoy feeling like the man is interested in learning about them. 

So asking her questions is a sure-fire way to set up the conversation to proceed in a good direction. 

Need some help coming up with questions? Consult our list of existential questions to really dig deep and spark some interesting conversation. 

Good text example:

2. Ask Her about Her Life and Background

Asking a woman to open up about her background is a powerful method for getting her more invested in the conversation. 

The more a woman invests in the convo, the more likely she is to value your attention in the future. 

Therefore, getting her to open up and share stories about her childhood and younger years is a great place to start. 

Good text example:

3. Ask Her about Her Hopes and Dreams

Taking the time to ask a woman about her hopes and dreams for the future shows her that you see her as being more than just a sex object. 

It’s a commitment signal. 

It also gives her the opportunity to further invest in the conversation, and empowers her to open up a bit more about the things she desires in life. 

Good text example:

4. When You Learn Something about Her, Ask More Questions about It 

Asking a great question should just be the beginning of that particular conversation thread.

Remember—the goal is to get her to open up about herself, build connection, and get her to invest in the discussion. 

So follow up her responses with questions that go a level deeper. 

Good text example:

5. If She Asks You about Yourself, Be Vulnerable and Share

Of course, texting and having a conversation isn’t all about you asking her questions. 

Women will also want you to share a bit about yourself. 

In fact, women will likely ask you questions—and answering them with authenticity and vulnerability is important for making her feel like you’re a ‘safe investment’ of her time. 

This is another commitment signal.

Avoiding questions or trying to hide things will raise red flags. 

So be willing to open up a bit and share yourself with her—especially when she specifically wants to know something about you. 

Good text example:

6. Leave Her Wanting More

Opening up and being vulnerable with a woman via text is good to an extent. 

But you don’t want to go overboard with this. 

Give her high quality answers to her questions, but don’t divulge your entire life story—especially if she didn’t ask for it. 

Maintain some ‘mystery’ about you, and give her information about yourself in small, controlled doses. 

Good text example:

See, you certainly don’t want to shy away from giving her information. Just avoid the ‘trap’ of over-sharing, and try to keep things upbeat, positive, and relevant. 

How Often Should You Text a Girl to Keep Her Interested?

If you’re just starting to see or date this woman, texting her every day to the point where you’re saying ‘good morning beautiful’ every single morning is too much. It crosses the line into ‘simp’ territory, and she’ll be highly likely to stop appreciating it. 

My personal tactic is this:

If I really like the girl, I’ll initiate contact once every other day (or every two days if I’m really busy). If she messages me more often than that, I’ll respond in a timely manner (within 2 hours or so, schedule permitting).

As a general rule, I prefer to set the precedent in all of my dating relationships to be that she is the one who messages me first the majority of the time. Then, I let her know that I appreciate her taking this initiative by responding soon enough that she can sense that I’m making it a priority. 

Good text example:

Remember: As a man, you’re the competitor, and the woman is the selector. But this doesn’t mean that you want to chase. You compete against other men by choosing to become a high value man. Never chase a woman. Always continue to make yourself your own mental point of origin, and let the women who want you pursue you. 

How to Text a Girl for the First Time

Opening a text conversation with a woman is important because it sets the precedent for how things are going to proceed. Here are some tips to help you understand how to establish a great text rapport right from the start. 

If You Got Her Number from a Real-Life Encounter

Text her pretty quickly—like, either while you’re still with her, or right after leaving. 

You want her to know that she’s important enough to you that you’re not going to keep her waiting around for too long. 

Good text example:

If You Got Her Number via Online Dating

When you match with a woman on a dating app, your first order of business should be to move the conversation off of the app as soon as possible. 

This either means:

1. Setting up a date in the real world fairly quickly after matching, or
2. Moving the conversation to text and then setting up a date in the real world

You can play this however you want, but keep in mind that if you can’t get the girl to transition to texting fairly quickly, the odds of actually meeting up with her for a date diminish significantly. 

But you’ll also notice that if women perceive you as being especially high-value, they’ll be very quick to switch over to text and leave the app. 

Why?

Because a woman who genuinely wants to talk to you will be happy to exchange numbers with you. She’ll want to do everything she can to get closer to you. 

As a general rule, exchanging about 10 to 15 messages (or sometimes less) is a good rule of thumb for transitioning to asking her out or moving the convo to text. 

If you fail to build up enough connection, fail to make an impact, and/or fail to get her invested in the conversation, then she’ll be much more likely to go ghost or stop responding. 

My personal tactic is to do it like this:

I’ll exchange 10 to 15 text messages via the app in an attempt to get to know her, flirt a bit, make her laugh, and just in-general see if she’s a cool person. 

If I like her, I’ll ask her out (I’ll show you how in the next section below). 

If she says yes, I’ll wrap up the convo with a message like this:

If she actually likes me and/or is actually looking forward to meeting me, I’ll usually get a text from her almost instantly. 

Remember: You can’t talk a girl into liking you. You do the ‘competitor’ work every single day while you’re at the gym, getting your money, growing your business, leveling-up your mindset, etc. 

By the time you’re talking to a woman, you’ve already either done enough work or you haven’t. You’re either ‘her type’ or you’re not. And you’re already either going to show up on her radar as ‘an attractive man’ or not. 

So never chase. Let attraction work it’s magic. 

This is why I prefer to transition from dating app to text by giving her my number, as opposed to asking for hers. As a high value man, I already know that if she’s seriously interested, I’ll get the text. If she isn’t—to be honest, I don’t want to meet her anyway. I have plenty of ladies lined up who would love to have a shot at going on a date with me. 

See, that’s an abundance mindset versus a scarcity mindset. 

The whole point of game isn’t to talk women into liking you, or to persuade them that they should change their mind about you. 

The whole point of game is to be authentic and to get out of your own way so that you can broadcast your true dating marketplace value to the women you interact with without putting your foot in your mouth and ruining your own chances. 

How to Ask a Girl Out over Text 

As a general rule, if you’ve never gone out with this girl before, texting should really only facilitate basic communication. 

Building connection at this early stage of the game is only important to get her to agree to (and show up to) the first date, as you’ll want to do most of the connecting during your real-life encounter. 

You don’t want to fall into the trap of becoming her ‘text buddy.’ 

Women don’t want text buddies, and you should be too busy for that kind of thing anyway. 

For a full rundown of how to ask a girl out, read our guide on the topic: How to Ask a Girl Out: 6 Simple Steps to Have More Success. 

But here’s what you need to know about how to ask a girl out over text. 

Step 1: Develop a Quick Rapport 

Your primary goal with texting should be to build up a little bit of connection, confirm that you’re a cool high value man, and actually ask her out. 

Good text example:

Step 2: Choose a Date Idea and Ask Her Out

Once you develop a quick rapport, build a bit of connection, and establish some decent back-and-forth communication (keep it short, like 10 to 15 messages or less), it’s in your best interest to go for the ask. 

Do this sooner rather than later. 

Caveat: Sometimes, 10 to 15 messages might even verge on being too much texting. 

I used to be more of a ‘5 or 6 texts before going for the ask’ kind of guy. And honestly, sometimes if the energy is right, that’s the trick. 

But I’ve also ruined some interactions by going in for the ask before building any connection or investment. So for me, 10 to 15 messages feels like that sweet spot where I can actually manage to do that.

But don’t get it twisted. Sometimes, you need to go in for the ask before that 10 message mark. 

Women want to be asked out on real dates. They want to have real adventures. 

They don’t want a text buddy. They can ‘text for fun’ with their girlfriends. 

You’re not the ‘girlfriend.’ You’re the guy she wants to sleep with. 

So man up and ask her out. 

Make the decisions about what to do, where to go, and what time to meet-up. 

Good text example:

How to Flirt over Text with a Girl

Flirting is a very important part of the human ‘mating dance.’ 

When you flirt successfully with a woman, you show her that you’re fun, attentive, intelligent, and socially savvy. 

In many respects, flirting is like ‘social peacocking.’ It’s how you display your value and let her know that you’re truly a high value man with a lot of social value to offer. 

Here are some specific instructions on how to flirt with her over text. 

If You Haven’t Gone on a Date Yet

If you haven’t yet met up with her in person (or if you haven’t gone on a date yet), then you need to be careful with flirting. You want to make her laugh and perhaps tease her a bit, but you want to stay away from making things too overtly sexual. 

Here are some steps to help you navigate this delicate balancing act. 

1. Don’t Take It Too Seriously

Avoid ‘hot or heavy’ topics during this first round of flirtation. Save that sexy stuff for after you’ve slept together, and reserve the heavier topics for after you’ve gotten to know each other better. 

Only delve into heavy topics if she opens the door for it. 

2. Hold Frame

When flirting with a woman, always make sure to hold your frame. This doesn’t mean that you should be a jerk. It just means that you should always text like an alpha male, and avoid caving-in to beta texting tendencies. 

3. Tease Her and Give Her a Hard Time 

Playful teasing via text, when accomplished successfully, is a magic bullet in every high value man’s dating tool kit. 

For in-depth instructions on how to tease a woman successfully, read our guide on the topic: How to Tease a Girl: 7 Playful Teases That Drive Women Crazy. 

4. Meet Her Level of Escalation, but Let Her Set the Pace

As a general rule, sexually escalating with women via text before you’ve met them in person is a bad idea. 

Why?

Because you run the risk of looking like a thirsty beta instead of a sexually abundant alpha male. 

This isn’t to say that sexualizing her is a bad move, though—it’s just not a good idea to do it before your first date unless she starts it. 

But if she starts it, feel free to meet her level of escalation. 

Just always make sure that she’s the one pushing the ‘sexualizing’ forward, not you. 

This also changes after you’ve already slept together. You have a lot more freedom to initiate sexy text conversations after you’ve successfully gotten her into bed. 

Good text example:

5. Focus On Building Connection

Building connection before the first date is so important. 

This means:

• Asking her questions about herself
• Going deeper with more questions to get to know her better
• Empathizing with her about her experiences and feelings
• Being vulnerable and sharing personal things about yourself as well

It’s often said that men have sex to connect, and women need to connect to have sex. Well, it’s super true. 

If you want to generate a lot of attraction and chemistry, you need to make an emotional impact. And the best way to do this is by generating connection. 

Good text example:

If You’ve Already Gone on a Date

If you’ve already gone on one date, but haven’t ‘sealed the deal’ by sleeping together, here are the tactics you should implement. 

1. Pick Up Where You Left off on the Date

Don’t be a stranger. 

Acknowledge the fun time you had together, and pick up the conversation where you left it. 

If possible, try to keep it fun and light while referencing something you talked about during the date. 

Good text example:

You can also refer back to something more serious you learned about her during the date, and go deeper in with another question. But be more sparing with these types of questions. Sometimes, going too ‘heavy,’ even after the first date, is too much. 

Good text example:

2. Hold Frame

We’ve already talked about this, but it bears repeating. 

Text like a man—not like a beta or a woman. 

Continue to pursue value in your life. Don’t let this newfound love interest derail the process of becoming a higher value man. 

This is especially true after not sleeping with her on the first date. 

Good text example:

3. Invite Her Out Again Pretty Soon

As a general rule, you’ll want to ask her out again pretty quickly. If you let it go too long, all of that built-up sexual tension will fizzle. 

I like to hint at a possible second date idea while we’re still on the first date, to plant the idea of the next date like a seed. Then, the following day, I’ll ask her out again. 

Good text example: 

4. Tease Her Sexually a Little, but Save Most of That Energy for the Next Date

If you’ve already had one date that didn’t end in sex, you actually run the risk of not escalating/sexualizing enough. 

So it doesn’t hurt anything to push the ‘sexy’ envelope a bit leading up to the second date. 

Good text example:

How to Turn a Girl on over Text

Turning a woman on via text isn’t too complicated. 

A lot of men overthink this. 

But here’s the truth: 

Women are just as horny as men. 

They just like to be stimulated with some class and elegance—along with a healthy dose of sexual innuendo and dirty/nasty perversion. 

Here are some key tactics that I use to pull this off during different stages of the interaction. 

If You Haven’t Gone on a Date Yet

Don’t try to turn a woman on via text if you haven’t already been on a date.

In doing so, you run the risk of looking ‘thirsty,’ which will make you look like you’re stuck in sexual scarcity. 

In other words, you’ll run the risk of looking like a horny loser. 

The only caveat here is to go ahead and meet her level if she escalates first. 

If You’ve Gone on a Date but Haven’t Hooked Up

In this scenario, you actually do want to sexy-flirt a bit. 

At this point, you’ll run the risk of getting friendzoned if you don’t make an emotional impact and engage her senses in a primal fashion. 

My favorite tactic is to play off of her lead, or to lead into some comments about the types of things you think about her that make you attracted to her. 

You can also do a little one-sided roleplay to get her imagination running at full-steam. 

Good text example:

If You’ve Already Slept Together

If you’ve already slept together, then pushing the sexual envelope in your texting becomes much easier. 

Now, you’re much less likely to run the risk of looking low value, unless sex becomes the only thing you talk about. 

Feel free to take the role-play up another notch. Personally, I don’t like to make sexual plans with women via text, as that can actually lead to expectations that are problematic if you don’t fulfill them well enough. 

I just like to roleplay, and leave all scenarios more in the ‘imagination’ realm. 

This helps to engage her imagination without applying pressure. 

Good text example:

How to Make a Girl Laugh over Text 

Laughter is a potent aphrodisiac, and for good reason. 

Men who can make women laugh display superior genetics and strong social proof. Being able to make people laugh shows that you’re adept at interfacing socially with others. 

And it’s a huge turn-on for women. 

To learn more about how to make a girl laugh consistently, check out this full guide: How to Make a Girl Laugh: 10 Surefire Methods Proven by Comedians. 

But here are my 4 favorite methods for making women laugh that I use in my everyday text game. 

1. Dark Humor Jokes

Modern women love dark humor. 

It’s edgy, terrible, shocking, and hilarious. 

Look up some dark humor jokes and drop a few. 

Either she’ll block you, or you’ll get at least a few laughs out of her. 

Good text example:

2. Terrible Pickup Lines

For the record, I’m not a huge fan of using pickup lines as openers. 

But they work really well as one-liners later on. 

Good text example: 

3. Weird/Funny Memes

Everyone loves a good meme. 

Keep a meme collection of cool, funny, sexy, or dark-humor memes, and send her a few now and then. 

Girls love memes. Just don’t meme-dump on her all at once. Keep it one or two at a time. 

4. Random Funny Things That Make You Think of Her 

Women love it when the guy they’re into thinks of them randomly throughout the day. 

So when you see something funny that makes her think of you, send it to her. This will warm her heart and make her laugh. 

Good text example:

Warning: Be Very Careful with Sexual Humor 

Sexual humor is a great way to elicit some laughs. 

But if you go too hard with it, it can make you look thirsty/desperate. 

Remember: A high value man isn’t desperate for sex, because he’s in-demand and has plenty of ladies wanting to sleep with him. 

So don’t act like a horny high-schooler. 

How to Text a Girl on Tinder: Do the Same Rules Apply?

For the most part, texting on Tinder should constantly be moving the conversation to the point where you take it off of Tinder, either for a real-life date or into text messenger. 

The reason for this is simple. 

The longer you stay on the app chatting with a woman, the more likely she’s going to be to lose interest and ghost/flake. 

Women don’t want dating app text buddies. They want to date real high value men in the real world. 

As quickly as possible, get her off of the app and into your text messenger. 

Alternatively, you can schedule an in-person date, and then either give her your number after she agrees, or after you meet in-person. 

There are basically 4 steps to this process:

1. Match with her on the app
2. Chat with her for about 10-15 messages (or less) to build connection and investment
3. Invite her on a date
4. Give her your number and tell her to ‘feel free to text you in the meantime’ after you’ve made the date plan

How to Win a Girl Back over Text

As a general rule, you should never try to get back together with an ex. 

If you’ve recently broken up with your girlfriend, you might miss her—and there may even be a part of you that wants to get back together with her. 

But here’s the thing. 

There was a reason for why the relationship ended. 

And even though it’s sad, you owe it to yourself to start over new with someone else. 

Now, with that being said—if you truly want your ex to start talking to you again, the best way to go about it is to not text her first, at all. 

Wait until she messages you, engage with her very lightly (as if you’re testing her and not giving her your full attention or energy), and make her earn back your time and attention with good behavior. 

But listen:

Any woman who doesn’t prove to you beyond the shadow of a doubt that she’s a high value woman really shouldn’t be anything more than a ‘fun fling’ in your life. 

Don’t complicate your life over an ex. It just isn’t worth it. 

Good text example:

How to Know If a Girl Is Not Interested in You through Text 

Women seem complicated—but they’re actually really simple. 

If you want to know if a girl is interested in you based on how she’s texting, pay attention to how much energy she’s putting into the conversation. 

Is she putting significant time and energy into the conversation, and prioritizing it?

If so, then she’s probably interested. 

If she isn’t—then she’s probably not. 

A woman who’s interested in you will text back pretty quickly, and will respond with longer, more well-thought-out answers. 

A woman who isn’t interested in you, by contrast, will keep texts really short (like one or two word answers), and will take longer to text you back. 

For an in-depth guide on what to do if she stops texting you back, read through this guide: 7 Things to Do When a Girl Doesn’t Text You Back and What It Means. 

Conclusion

There you have it. 

The fundamentals of the very successful text game techniques that I’ve developed over the past 5 years, along with 35 real-life examples to get you started. 

But of course, never forget the most important thing of all:

Women are only attracted to high value men. 

So start leveling up to become a true alpha mentality man, and crush it with women by consistently proving that you’re the best option in the room. 

You’ve got this.

Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power. 

FAQs